Pale green stars

The two of us lay side
by side facing each other.
She suckles contentedly.

I take a deep breath trying
to relieve my tension and breathe
love and comfort
into her.

The worst thing about our fighting
is worrying that she can feel it.
That we are scarring her,
creating deep issues
that will one day rise up and make us
wish to God we had been better
in her early years.

These days I can’t feel anger
without bringing along with it
worry and guilt.

She signs and turns her body
releasing my nipple.

I move carefully,
slowly so as not to
wake her.

I emerge from the dark bedroom
ready for another evening of
avoidance and too much wine.

Thankfully my stubborn
heart pushes the issue
and we talk
and he sees me
and I sigh again, this time
with relief and much warm air.

I hope that the girl can feel it
from her darkened room
under pale green stars.

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