Pretend Love

When I first allowed
you to take me home
I was keenly aware
that you were all the
things that I was not.
 
But security is not a
small thing and anyway
sometimes all you need
is a home cooked meal
and someone to wake
up next to.
 
Maybe I was looking
for another check mark
on my list of reasons
to leave, something to
finally tip the scales.
 
Maybe not,
 
but regardless
it worked
and you were there
to cushion the fall
when it came.
 
You were one of the few
consistent pieces of my
puzzle. A bit of safety in that
space where I was hunted
and afraid.
 
In our self serving ways
we were good to each other.
 
Not having to pretend love
when love wasn’t possible
was almost as good as the real thing.
 
 

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mind control

On a hot day in Mexico
we found ourselves
on a boat, a pirate
ship replica (lovely and
accurate, with a plank
and everything) and
O how it rocked and
rolled with the waves.
There was a small girl
who had fallen asleep
with her head resting
on a trash can. But I
wasn’t sick, and when
you asked me why
I said “mind control”
and smiled looking
out over the water.